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In the early days of this new year, I’ve got a new phrase that I mutter to myself as I move through life. If I’m ever lost in the moment or fearful or find my mind wandering off on some bullshit tangent about something completely unimportant and trivial, I will simply say to myself “Four Pillars” and I’m back on track. Back in the seat of my awareness. Present to what I’m doing and what’s next. So what are the Four Pillars? They came into my awareness some months ago when I became obsessed with cutting my hair. I can’t explain the "itch" that occurs when I feel a big chop coming but it must be something similar to what a snake might be feeling. I just know that soon, soon, soon, my hair must be shed! I've done this a few times in my adult life and so it's an oddly familiar feeling at this point. And wow my hair was long this time, gracing my lowest ribs when I let it down. Beautiful, shiny, soft and well cared for. I’d been growing it since 2017, the last time I cut off all my hair. Back then, I was more in tune with the death associated with the cut. With what I was giving up. What I was dying to. Back then, I conducted an elaborate death ritual with some friends, a death photoshoot, a conscious bardo experience that lasted a few days, followed by a three-week trip to Burma with my son to reacclimate to this lifetime and get used to the radical change before I went back into my Default World day job. Things were different then. I wasn’t as clear about what I was "growing into" at that time. I was more clear, like I said, about what I was dying to. This time, I knew a different course of action would be necessary. The “itch” began last fall but not being rash with these things, I waited to see if this old, familiar itch would pass. Alas it did not. On the contrary, the itch increased! My long hair began to drive me batshit crazy. So then the question became: what wants to happen here? I got quiet during the holidays and took notes as the downloads came. I noticed that the first full moon of 2025 was a full moon in Cancer with Mars in Cancer, retrograde. Same as my natal chart. Hmmm. I asked my pendulum many (many!) times and the reading was always the same: Yes this was the optimal date. I tried to get out of it a few times but in the end gave in and settled on Monday, January 13 for the big chop.  here's the last pic of me with long hair this time around... I was clear going into this hair cut to articulate what I’m growing into and I spent many weeks leading up to the cut defining with words what that would be. Sure, cutting off hair off inherently means a massive karmic release but the gift to myself this time was the foresight to clearly state my intentions. Fast forward, through a series of serendipitous events, I was able to secure what is called a “Pujari” to facilitate a traditional fire ceremony after the cut. He encouraged me to invite everyone I knew to the event and be a part of the goodwill of this sort of sacrifice. I like to think I’m a bit more low key than that, and originally only wanted a couple of close people there. In the end, after a few texts, around 30 people showed up! With everyone gathered in my backyard, I began by stating out loud what I was chopping off including the pandemic, anger at my mother and a few other more private things I didn’t say with a ton of detail but that I know in my heart what they are. After that, I stated four intentions out loud:
 It felt good to say these four intentions aloud with many witnesses. With that, I pulled my hair into two long ponytails and began the process of sawing them off with scissors. Not an easy process it turns out! After that, the electric clippers came out. I shaved my head my own darn self with my dear friend Michael finishing the rough edges with his clippers. Everyone clapped and then it was time for the fire ceremony. It was a lovely fire ceremony event, all in all. Ghee, grains, mantra chanting, a fire. After that we all ate a giant vegan feast that my darling Paul cooked and enjoyed some music in the living room. What a night….. one I shan’t forget as long as I live.  Now that I’m a few weeks out, the four intentions have officially become the “Four Pillars” of my reality. A morphing and maturing of a simple idea, really: to state and re-state these four intentions daily and to do my best to grow into them. And they have shifted to “pillars” because I’ve worked with them intently now for almost a month and I have now also simplified them into something I can access instantly. Each pillar is now linked with a Sanskrit word - because I’m a nerd like that:
Easy as that. A simple measuring device to gain quick clarity as I engage with literally any person, activity or situation on a daily basis. All I gotta say in my head now is “Four Pillars” and determine if I’m in alignment with one of them or not. And if I’m not, I shift. Easy as that. Everything else is an illusory distraction to me now. Even if the act of seeing the illusory distractions technically falls under the Jnana pillar. What’s really cool is that I’m able to see how the Four Pillars overlap quite often. For example, when I play my flute, I’m activating all four, easy as that. When I’m buried in a course of book study, I’m activating at least three. When someone pisses me off in traffic, two of the four are definitely in play. And so it goes. Because our world! My goodness, our world is falling apart. Burning to the ground. Utter madness is accessible and available at a moment’s notice. I don’t know why I’m alive on this earth at this time but I am. And this is how I cope perhaps, but it’s also the best and clearest way I can see to make a difference in my reality to serve self and others most effectively. And that’s the Four Pillars! May it be so. 
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 The opening conversation to a 9-part podcast series called The Philosopher's House exploring seven philosophers, their associated astrological alignments, and how each philosophy manifests in the house and home is now live! This series is produced in collaboration with special guest Dr. John Macready, a Professor of Philosophy at Collin College. The series is based on his 2022 book A Continental Guide to Philosophy (Edinburgh University Press).
The 9 Episodes:
Thanks for listening! It's going to be a fun series. May it be so.  I'm a day late to the crawl here but a new podcast series started yesterday all about the enneagram! A former coworker, Joanna Douglas and myself had a beautiful day last month conversing about the enneagram and I'll be sharing these conversations between now and January of 2025. This is the only way I can do a podcast people. Record it all at once and eek it out every two weeks. Sorry/not sorry. The podcast remains a project I do for fun. For research. For the joy of it. Period. More updates: Life is a full, rich thing right now. I'm freakishly private and so going into detail on the internet isn't really my style but I will say this: I've initiated two new courses of study this week. Ones that will take me years to complete, if ever. It's daunting. It's terrifying. I know I'll be different after it's all said and done. One is music based. Like, OMG. It's deeply uncomfortable to me and I'm grateful for my musical companions on this journey. I will take my god given musical gifts and my years of Saturnian discipline and make the best of this newly budding and unfurling situation. I will, I will, I will! The other is magical in nature. Truly. Complete with an underutilized actual magic library! It's a new school year. New moon. New podcast journey. Two new courses of study. In addition to all the other things I'm up to in this world. Now that I'm fully out of the public eye I'm relishing the hermit nature of my life right now. The rain pours after a long hot summer and yet things in my office are cookin'! May it be so!   The third interview series in my sweet little podcast continues! The Living Mandala of the Planets series features twelve conversations about the planets with astrologer Rachel Ruth Tate. After an opening episode two weeks ago, the SUN episode drops tomorrow morning. In this series we explore the upper mandala of planets and inspect these celestial bodies one by one to understand how each one relates back to life on earth, our living environments and various correspondences that each planet shares with Runes, metals, days of the week and more. Episodes drop every two weeks and run through the end of July. It was funny. I shared with Rachel at some point in the recording process "I used to have people on my team that did things like this for me" alluding to the recording / editing / uploading / hosting process etc. But that now - because I know just enough to be dangerous from that last day job of mine - I do it all myself. Anyway, I say all this as I ask for patience with the elongated ending on the Sun episode. And the coffee shop sounds on the Saturn, Uranus and Neptune episodes. Oh and sparseness that is my podcast music. That is all. With that -- Enjoy the Living Mandala of the Planets series!  May it be so!
 Okay then! The second series of my wee little podcast rolls out starting tomorrow. The Color and the Living Mandala series will drop a new episode on Tuesdays and will take us through mid-February. My dear, dear friend Nicole with Color Caravan joined me for this adventure and we recorded the series all at once many weeks ago. Now it's finally ready for enjoyment. In each episode we'll focus on a color and have a long and winding conversation about it. Where it comes from in nature, what emotions are linked with it, how we use that color in design, in feng shui, how it relates back to a goddess. On and on.
This series follows the amazing Chakras of the House series that just concluded. These podcast episodes are SO helpful for my writing process. To air out ideas, soundboard with an expert and generally muse on a topic. Hope it's enjoyable to others as well. May it be so!  A dear friend clued me into this phenomenon recently. How there seems to be a “Disparaging Spirit” that we all sorta have within us at varying levels. And is it a “spirit” or is it a subtle wave that moves through people and even more often through groups? I’m not sure. But for now I’ll categorize it as a “spirit” that can take hold of a person. The “Disparaging Spirit” desperately needs both a host and an audience to live and thrive. It needs people it can engage, enlist and enroll into its never ending quest to be right. It can be very soft and quiet in some folks and extremely loud and obnoxious in others. But make no mistake, we all have it within us. The "Disparaging Spirit" is universal in that way. Personally I suspect the "Disparaging Spirit's" roots lie in the shade of unworthiness but who knows the motivations various people have underneath it all.
The “Disparaging Spirit” takes hold in us when we share and state out loud our low opinion of others with others. It’s exactly like casting a spell of bad seeds. The "Disparaging Spirit" starts out as a series of thoughtforms that then become verbal. Or written. Or recorded in a video. It can take many forms and yield many rotten fruits for both the host, those listening to the host and of course whomever is being slandered. The “Disparaging Spirit” often just wants to hear itself talk as much as it demands attention from others. And sometimes the “Disparaging Spirit” is so frightened that it will be discovered by its host (and others) that it clings desperately to itself until the host is totally overtaken and blinded. Desperate to be Relevant. Powerful. Wise. Whatever. Splitting (and justifying the splitting over and over) until the spell is cast! The “Disparaging Spirit” is insidious when it takes hold. It grips for dear life even on the smallest things so much so that the smallest things become the biggest things. There’s no room for the messiness and realness of life with the “Disparaging Spirit” because messy is what life IS. The “Disparaging Spirit” only wants what it wants and blinds its host from seeing the 95% of things going well. Going really well, actually. It only allows the host to see the tiny fraction that went sideways, went messy, went awry. The (occasional) human messiness of others becomes WHO THEY ARE to the "Disparaging Spirit" and the host can no longer relate to others in the same way. Bonds are broken and trust is shattered because of the "Disparaging Spirit." The “Disparaging Spirit” doesn't care to see how it’s hurting others. How spewing the low opinion cast of others is *really* a reflection (or projection) of themself (onto others). And I say “them” here with clarity. The “Disparaging Spirit” often overtakes its host so the host can’t see him or her Self anymore. Can’t see the beauty of community. The beauty of friendships. The comfort of knowing that others have their back. The "Disparaging Spirit" only wants to be right. The “Disparaging Spirit” lurks at the edges wherever there are people because it’s a parasitic phenomenon that needs bodies to operate in and through. When the "Disparaging Spirit" has a strong hold of someone, the person is but a shell of themselves and can even hide the Heart-centered person other people thought they knew. The throat chakra of the host is blown open but disconnected from the Heart. The openness of the throat is connected to the fear and fluidity and power that reside below the Heart as well as the observations and insights from the upper chakras but somehow the Heart got skipped, so much so that the Humanity of others is completely dismissed. The Compassion that was once there becomes blank and cruel. The “Disparaging Spirit” cloaks (and chokes!) the Heart in the spirit of being right and being heard at all costs. Even if what's being said isn't even true or at the bare minimum is an exaggerated and wildly inaccurate distortion. All in the name of being right. And how does the “Disparaging Spirit” get activated? Well. The world is chock full of fodder! Turn on the nightly news. Look at a political campaign. Go for a scroll on your social media accounts. Stand in line at a big box retail store on Black Friday. And then there’s a goopy cruel way that it can activate. Sometimes a course of study can activate the “Disparaging Spirit” in a host. Let’s say you’re studying the criminal justice system and you’re in semester after semester of classes on serial killers and the best way to deal with them. Maybe you begin to look through this lens at others in your life. You begin to overlay what you’re learning onto people in your life until you (hopefully) wake up one day and realize that the people in your life aren’t in fact serial killers! OMG, you’ve just been saturated in material that had you looking at your life and through this lens of serial killers. As it turns out, you can finally fucking relax! Everyone in your life is not a serial killer! This is an extreme example to be sure but the same is true of ANY course of study. You can’t help but overlay what you’re studying onto others. Whether it's astrology, psychology or…. serial killers. As much as the “Disparaging Spirit” demands to be heard, it can’t stand being called out. It needs a host to stay alive. So: I see you “Disparaging Spirit.” I see you clearly and how you cloud people in this world. And I pray that your hosts awaken to what's happening here to both themselves and humanity. Awaken to how you make things difficult for both the host and the people in their orbit. And I want to point out here that what I’m speaking of isn’t related to traumatic and completely tragic events of this world - like poverty, slavery, addiction or war. Those things need our strong words sometimes to wake people up! What I’m talking about is the "stuff of life", like... what meal is served, for example. Sometimes we’re just humans trying to figure out how to relate to one another in community - juggling disparate personalities, food allergies or offering compromises in a spirit of radical hospitality. Trust that, in general, folks are doing the best they can. That they have your back. That you’re liked as a person for exactly who you are and what YOU bring to the party. There’s room for everyone to be Wise. For everyone to have a say. Someone else shining brightly doesn’t diminish YOUR shine, sis (or bro). Truly. Disparaging words about real people in your life are never going to be the answer. I’m reminded of an old Negro Spiritual hymn I grew up singing. I’m the daughter of a preacher and we were very often invited to the Black churches to worship. In fact, I will often work with hymns to dispel the “Disparaging Spirit” within myself when I see the disparaging thoughtforms start to come alive in me. Because hymns take real physical and mental energy to process, leaving little space for disparaging thoughts and words to manifest about people in my life. There’s the musicality of hymns, the words themselves and then the meanings of the hymns. Often the teachings there are just what I needed to hear. And for me, a desire to cast the spells of hymns will often fill that “spell casting” desire that I, as a human, innately have. That we all have. Casting spells gives us vitality and power and is often one of the things the “Disparaging Spirit” is itching for, I’ve noticed. It’s just that the “Disparaging Spirit” is so, so… well, disparaging! So in that spirit, this hymn was always a favorite of mine. Maybe you know it too. I’m gonna lay down my sword and shield, Down by the riverside, Down by the riverside, Down by the riverside; Gonna lay down my sword and shield, Down by the riverside, Going to study war no more. Chorus: I ain't goingt' study war no more, Ain't goingt' study war no more, Ain't goingt' study war no more. Ain't goingt' study war no more, Ain't goingt' study war no more, Ain't goingt' study war no more. Going to lay down my burden, Down by the riverside, Down by the riverside, Down by the riverside; Going to lay down my burden, Down by the riverside, Going to study war no more. [Chorus] Going to try on my starry crown, Down by the riverside, Down by the riverside, Down by the riverside; Going to try on my starry crown, Down by the riverside, Going to study war no more. [Chorus] Somehow this hymn feels relevant when dealing with someone seized with the "Disparaging Spirit." Best to not engage. Let it be. Pray. Send Metta. Especially to those who may disparage me and disparage those I love. May it be so.  Tomorrow, yes tomorrow July 25, I'm launching a new Living Mandala Podcast series called "Chakras of the House." It's a 9-part conversation series with Religious Studies professor and scholar, Dr. G. William Barnard. There's no one better in North Texas to chat about this with, so thank you, Dr. Barnard for your time, your energy and your encouragement. We recorded the whole conversation this past weekend but I'm going to roll it out every two weeks in case you want to follow along with your own house. Meaning, you can go back to your home for a somewhat systematic assessment and golden opportunity to clean and clear various parts of the house, your body and even your filing cabinet! Hope it's helpful.
May it be so!  After musing and sound boarding with a trusted circle of friends, here goes: The Living Mandala Podcast! It’s just a tip-toe in. No splashy, professional launch. No 10-part series drop to whet everyone’s appetite. No “best practices” according to the websites and blogs I’ve read. And especially no comparison to podcasts I listen to. No, as I’ve considered the best way to navigate this new territory, I’ll just do what I do and see what happens. There is no pressure. I’m eternally grateful to new (old) friend and actual podcast expert Ana Xavier for encouraging to just jump in the pool and see what happens. No need to be perfect. Do it for the joy of it. Be low key and see what happens.
And what will this podcast discuss? Well, stuff that I find interesting and that’s adjacent to my consulting practice, Living Mandala Consulting. That said, I could easily veer off course if a super interesting person comes my way. I’m going to be open minded like that. The name says is all - Living Mandala, based philosophically on the Hermetic quote: As above, so below, as within, so without, as the universe, so the soul… Please know that eventually I’ll get this right but for this nanosecond this podcast will be clunky as hell because I’ve still got to navigate the RSS business with Apple and other platforms that seem like I should be on. I did figure out how to sync up with YouTube automatically, so that’s nice. You can certainly subscribe there for now if that’s easiest. Thanks for your attention, your time and I hope only to reciprocate with all kinds of good stuff in the near (and far) future. The vision is to drop these on Tuesdays at Dawn. That’s when I was born and it seems like that’s a good time to replicate in a weekly fashion as I rebirth myself over and over through the medium of my Voice. After my ego has been annihilated of course. Anyway, with zero fanfare, enjoy the first episode! Can’t wait to see what happens. I’d love to know what YOU would want to hear about from me. Especially if you know me and know something of my eclectic background. May it be so. 
Here's a short video wherein I wax about what I'm up to these days. And what's going on in my world. It's a wide open and vulnerable share. But here we are.
Hari Om Tat Sat.
 What a year! A full year of Full Moon Salons. A strangely cool "moon"thly commitment P and I made well over a year ago. An inspired idea to "get us through" what we knew would be an interesting year. And yes, 2022 has been a VERY interesting year. Holy shit. But here we are. Complete with all 13 moons in the experiment. 13 gatherings to explore a higher order. What does it look like and feel like and sound like to invite people over to our humble little home to talk, to dream, to learn, to ruminate, to germinate, and to connect on the night of the full moon, full illumination? Well, it looked like this when the weather was nice and we could meet in our giant backyard:  And it looked like this when we met in the living room because it was raining, too hot, too cold, whatever:  Each Salon was interesting and cool in its own right. Each Salon had it's own mixture of faces, with someone new coming each and every month. And of course there were committed ones, the ones who also attended each and every moon, just like P and me. The steady presence of dear friends and the wonderful conversations we had have totally have gotten us through a challenging year. A long written narrative of the whole series is basically written and it's been a joy to capture. Maybe I'll share it someday, maybe not. Shrug. Moving on, one of the new courses of study I've picked up in 2022 has been examining Runes. I received a set of them this past summer and have been working steadily with them since. You don't really "ask" the Runes a question, specifically a yes/no question. No, instead you bring a conundrum, an idea, a situation and then cast the stones. You determine your own course of action (or inaction) based on the interpretation of these oracle stones and the order in which they're cast. (Also, I'm not an authority on Runes but over time I am totally seeing how precise and amazing they are. I have deep respect for the Runes, y'all.) So, after the final Full Moon Salon was over and we'd picked up the house, I sat down at my altar and went over the day in my head. A few really positive things happened, one kinda disappointing thing happened and then of course the cherry on top was the final Full Moon Salon in this series. Bittersweet is the word that comes to mind. And this is what I drew:  Without even getting into the interpretations of the stones themselves, I first noticed how oddly geometrically connected they are. How the one in the middle (bow)ties the two on either side somehow. I read each interpretation from my main source book. Okay. Sure. Meanings absorbed. Fine.
And then I went to my secondary interpretation material. Material I have personally aggregated from a wide variety of sources and put into my own reference document for a more faceted approach to their interpretation. The first thing I noticed from this secondary source is that the Rune on the far right is associated with Jupiter. A planet we had spoken about just that evening at the Salon. How Jupiter rules Thursday (the day of the final Salon) and how the day itself is imbued with the qualities of Jupiter: expansive, social, convivial and so on. The Rune in the middle is associated with the Full Moon. Which, obviously got a chuckle out of me because well, it's a full moon. And the final Rune on the left? It's associated with the sign of Gemini. Really? On the night of the full moon in Gemini?! Because there I was: asking the Runes for insight on my (very full and rich) day. And they told me it was Thursday, Full Moon in Gemini. And the message of the Rune casting (to me) was to get present, be still, go within. Which, is exactly what I did. I set my meditation timer and did my evening sit. Mega-cool, present-tense meta, meta, meta! Anyway, the universe has a sense of humor and I feel complete (for now) with the Salon. Yes, something else is sorta brewing for a 2023 Salon series but it won't be every month. P and I hibernate now. More soon. May it be so. |
DescriptionPeriodic updates and observations from Aurah in the Field. Archives
February 2025
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