In the early days of this new year, I’ve got a new phrase that I mutter to myself as I move through life. If I’m ever lost in the moment or fearful or find my mind wandering off on some bullshit tangent about something completely unimportant and trivial, I will simply say to myself “Four Pillars” and I’m back on track. Back in the seat of my awareness. Present to what I’m doing and what’s next. So what are the Four Pillars? They came into my awareness some months ago when I became obsessed with cutting my hair. I can’t explain the "itch" that occurs when I feel a big chop coming but it must be something similar to what a snake might be feeling. I just know that soon, soon, soon, my hair must be shed! I've done this a few times in my adult life and so it's an oddly familiar feeling at this point. And wow my hair was long this time, gracing my lowest ribs when I let it down. Beautiful, shiny, soft and well cared for. I’d been growing it since 2017, the last time I cut off all my hair. Back then, I was more in tune with the death associated with the cut. With what I was giving up. What I was dying to. Back then, I conducted an elaborate death ritual with some friends, a death photoshoot, a conscious bardo experience that lasted a few days, followed by a three-week trip to Burma with my son to reacclimate to this lifetime and get used to the radical change before I went back into my Default World day job. Things were different then. I wasn’t as clear about what I was "growing into" at that time. I was more clear, like I said, about what I was dying to. This time, I knew a different course of action would be necessary. The “itch” began last fall but not being rash with these things, I waited to see if this old, familiar itch would pass. Alas it did not. On the contrary, the itch increased! My long hair began to drive me batshit crazy. So then the question became: what wants to happen here? I got quiet during the holidays and took notes as the downloads came. I noticed that the first full moon of 2025 was a full moon in Cancer with Mars in Cancer, retrograde. Same as my natal chart. Hmmm. I asked my pendulum many (many!) times and the reading was always the same: Yes this was the optimal date. I tried to get out of it a few times but in the end gave in and settled on Monday, January 13 for the big chop. I was clear going into this hair cut to articulate what I’m growing into and I spent many weeks leading up to the cut defining with words what that would be. Sure, cutting off hair off inherently means a massive karmic release but the gift to myself this time was the foresight to clearly state my intentions. Fast forward, through a series of serendipitous events, I was able to secure what is called a “Pujari” to facilitate a traditional fire ceremony after the cut. He encouraged me to invite everyone I knew to the event and be a part of the goodwill of this sort of sacrifice. I like to think I’m a bit more low key than that, and originally only wanted a couple of close people there. In the end, after a few texts, around 30 people showed up! With everyone gathered in my backyard, I began by stating out loud what I was chopping off including the pandemic, anger at my mother and a few other more private things I didn’t say with a ton of detail but that I know in my heart what they are. After that, I stated four intentions out loud:
It felt good to say these four intentions aloud with many witnesses. With that, I pulled my hair into two long ponytails and began the process of sawing them off with scissors. Not an easy process it turns out! After that, the electric clippers came out. I shaved my head my own darn self with my dear friend Michael finishing the rough edges with his clippers. Everyone clapped and then it was time for the fire ceremony. It was a lovely fire ceremony event, all in all. Ghee, grains, mantra chanting, a fire. After that we all ate a giant vegan feast that my darling Paul cooked and enjoyed some music in the living room. What a night….. one I shan’t forget as long as I live. Now that I’m a few weeks out, the four intentions have officially become the “Four Pillars” of my reality. A morphing and maturing of a simple idea, really: to state and re-state these four intentions daily and to do my best to grow into them. And they have shifted to “pillars” because I’ve worked with them intently now for almost a month and I have now also simplified them into something I can access instantly.
Each pillar is now linked with a Sanskrit word - because I’m a nerd like that:
Easy as that. A simple measuring device to gain quick clarity as I engage with literally any person, activity or situation on a daily basis. All I gotta say in my head now is “Four Pillars” and determine if I’m in alignment with one of them or not. And if I’m not, I shift. Easy as that. Everything else is an illusory distraction to me now. Even if the act of seeing the illusory distractions technically falls under the Jnana pillar. What’s really cool is that I’m able to see how the Four Pillars overlap quite often. For example, when I play my flute, I’m activating all four, easy as that. When I’m buried in a course of book study, I’m activating at least three. When someone pisses me off in traffic, two of the four are definitely in play. And so it goes. Because our world! My goodness, our world is falling apart. Burning to the ground. Utter madness is accessible and available at a moment’s notice. I don’t know why I’m alive on this earth at this time but I am. And this is how I cope perhaps, but it’s also the best and clearest way I can see to make a difference in my reality to serve self and others most effectively. And that’s the Four Pillars! May it be so.
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DescriptionPeriodic updates and observations from Aurah in the Field. Archives
February 2025
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